Nervous

I am a big ball of nerves right now. I feel like I have a lot to worry about. Like the fact that I'm 24 weeks and 4 days pregnant and last time I was pregnant I only had 4 days left at this point. I REALLY want more than 4 days. I feel good and everything still looks good. We will have another ultrasound/cervical measurement/DON'T TELL ME WHAT IT IS OR SAY HE OR SHE!! so that will be nice. It is weird because I know what this baby looks like. When I get my weekly emails that describe what the baby looks like, I REALLY know. I know what its fingers look like and its feet, its clear skin, and still closed eye lids. I am hoping to not see this baby until its fingers are chubby, it has booty cheeks (preemies don't get those...they're fat and they don't have any of that), its skin is soft and complete, and it can open its eyes and say HI to me! Well, it doesn't have to say hi, but I need it to at least be able to scream at me. We continue to be thankful for each day and look forward to making it one more day, one more week, one more month.....until December.

On a lighter note, I have to take my glucose test next week too. YIKES! I am dreading drinking that nasty stuff. Never did it last time. It was in my fridge waiting for my next appointment. In that case, I look forward to taking my glucose test!

THEN I HAVE THIS KID KANYON. We leave for "Feeding Camp" Monday the 14th. Things are different the second time around and I for sure feel different. Last time I was desperate and at the pits of panic and frustration with his feeding. I was borderline....no, scratch that...I had LOST my mind and just wanted HELP and I didn't care that that meant moving into a hospital for 9 weeks, leaving my husband, shoving a tube down my sons nose and throat. I just wanted help!!! And help came and we were so thankful. This time I'm not quite as desperate so I am dreading it more (see....ball of nerves). Kanyon is more mobile, active, etc. and in all honesty, i don't know how I'm going to let him scoot all over the place and on the floor of a hospital (even though its a fun/kid/rehab/not your normal hospital kind of place). I hope he sleeps. And don't even get me started on how I hope he EATS. They want to try to work him off the bottle but I'm just hoping the intense eating doesn't make him quit taking his bottle, because that would mean an NG tube and I CAN'T IMAGINE keeping one of those in him at this point. I just don't know how its going to work this time around and I'm......well.....nervous. I really do feel like he's going to do good eating. He has done well at home and I would be really surprised if he got down there and shut down. I know that is a possibility because its so intense that sometimes they just shut down, but I really think he can do it. I'm mostly worried about him getting enough fluids too. I hesitate to be optimistic about how he'll do because I don't want to be disappointed. Not to mention I will leave my house and not see it for probably 6 weeks and I'm not looking forward to being away from my home or my husband for that long (he can come on the weekends, but STILL). And Oh yeah, I'll be 26 weeks pregnant. The most crucial weeks of my pregnancy. I won't be enjoying the sights and sounds of the big city, I'll be trying to lay low and take it easy. I"m looking forward to meeting the Dr. I will see while I'm there. He's not right at Baylor, I'll have to drive a few miles up to Medical City (nervous) but I think it will be OK. I"ve heard great things about him. He's a high risk specialist so I think we'll get along. So...those are a few. But don't think that's all.

I'm also nervous about HALLOWEEN!!! I will either still be there or just be getting home. What will Kanyon be???? How will I have time to put it together?????!!!! I DO NOT want to spend Halloween in that place. My man has places to go! I mean, I kinda feel like I have a lot to live up to:

Our favorite Fighter

And Michael Phelps

Maybe this year he should be something lame that way I don't always think I have to think of something good. Yeah, maybe that will work.

Well, there you have a few strands of my nerves. Hopefully I can get my computer cleaned up soon and update. I have some good videos and fun pictures. I'd better go, its time for an hour with the eye patch/right arm tied up. Don't tell Kanyon, he'll run from me. Poor guy.