Kanyon's eating is still a very prevalent "issue" at our house. It is one that tests my every single nerve every single day. At the same time, I realize we've come SO FAR and that this thing is a marathon, not a sprint. You'd think I would've learned that by now, but I have to remind myself of that almost daily.
I feel like I've spent the majority of the last 3 years worrying/working/thinking/crying/talking about eating. I have questioned myself over and over as to whether or not I've done the right thing with all of this. But, I have to remind myself of the progress we've made and just chill out. One day I was questioning my motives for working so hard with Kanyon's eating. Was this all selfish? Was I doing this because I was tired of struggling to feed him? Was I frustrated and annoyed so I wanted it to get better for me? Do I want to have one less thing to do everyday? Do I want the freedom of him eating like a regular kid? Am I doing this so that I can not have to stop everything I'm doing to feed him for 30 minutes? Am I tired of blending food? Those all sounded pretty selfish to me. As I thought about it, I thought about how he begs me for food and when I give it to him, he just can't seem to make himself eat it. He holds the tasty bite in his hand wanting to eat it and you can see him psyching himself up, working up the courage and often times all he can manage is a tiny touch on his tongue. Its like he spends all of his courage and STILL can't eat it! It breaks my heart to see something be so hard for him that is supposed to be FUN and GOOD. Watching him have one of those "encounters" reminds me exactly why I'm doing this. I don't want eating to have to cost him any courage. I don't want it to be stressful for him. I don't want him to have to work SO HARD just to fill his tummy. Eating is the thing that won't go away. Ever. I don't want him to spend his life fighting this battle with food. Sure, I don't want to fight the battle either. Sure I want to be able to just sit him down and hand him food. Or give him the freedom to say, "Mom, I'm not hungry right now. " or " I want ______ to eat for lunch." But more than that, I want this to be easier for him. So, the war continues. I'll tuck my white flag away again and decide NOT to surrender (though I really don't think I could surrender since he HAS to eat).
We ARE making progress though. So here is some of it:
He eats Popsicles!! He also enjoyed a little bit of a sucker the other day! KLP was eating this Popsicle and gave klp a lick and it wasn't long until KLP just went and got his own because klp wanted to keep licking it! This may seem like nothing, but this is GREAT. He's enjoying something and he's in total control!
We are trying to give him more freedom and control with food. That is a delicate balance, but it is something he is BEGGING FOR and I feel like will lead him to eat better in the long run. My hope is that the freedom will make that eating time more positive and fun for him.
For little snacks during the day (when I don't really care how much he eats) I let him pick where he wants to sit. I give him his own spoon and the bowl with his food. This was apples and blueberries (He eats apples well and I'm trying to add blueberries to his list of foods he'll eat without blending so I put them in the bowl too. No luck this time, but we'll keep trying. )
I think the food started out on the table and he decided to put it in the window....it was pretty cute to me. 
Total excitement when he spots Ollie out there!!!!
This day it was pickles and SunChips at the table.
See that left hand up there??!!! Atta boy!!!
I want so bad for him to be a normal eater and I wonder if that will ever happen. BUT I have to trust that it will. Until then, we keep on chuggin' along, thankful for the great progress he's made, knowing that it could be much worse.
See that left hand up there??!!! Atta boy!!! 
I want so bad for him to be a normal eater and I wonder if that will ever happen. BUT I have to trust that it will. Until then, we keep on chuggin' along, thankful for the great progress he's made, knowing that it could be much worse. 
5 comments:
I love the pictures in this post. Perhaps God gave us Sayler so we would have just the tiniest incling of what you go through (even though it did not feel tiny when it was bad). We're quite proud of Kanyon's progress and your devotion and selflessness.
Jaymie, it is so nice to see these great pictures and see how far Kanyon has come! My 1st memory of him from therapy is working on sensory skills so he would take the bottle better. And look at the big boy sitting at the table eating FOOD and USING THAT LEFT HAND! I am excited for you all and so glad that Kanyon has you to continue the fight for him - BTW - Quinn is precious! We have number 2 on the way in December - another girl
way to go kanyon! way to go jaymie for sticking with it and loving your sweet sons in just the way they need each day!
V. Pruitt...I'd say that you are quite smart little mother! You have to take this struggle on yourself because Kanyon is too young and too little. You are his mother doing what mothers do. They fight off threats to their children. They keep their children safe. Mothers feed their children and struggle against forces that they don't always understand...all for their beloved children! Happy Mother's day, Jamie! You are incredible. By the way, Mothers do get tired. And, cranky. And, fed up (no pun intended). Mothers are designed to get those feelings out of their heads and bodies so that they can continue the fight! God bless you, girl!
Hi Jamie! Hats off to you -- I know how hard this food thing can be and you have been at it for much longer than we have!! I am the mom of a little one who struggled with eating for a long time, but was tube fed unlike Kanyon. I wonder if you would like to get in touch with Markus Wilken, the German feeding specialist who helped our NICU hero overcome his oral trauma at last through a very low-pressure approach. If so, his email address is mail@markus-wilken.de. He is pretty overwhelmed at present, but I will tell him to look out for a note from you just in case. He recently helped a little girl here in Seattle who was like Kanyon, an eater but a reluctant one. They made a lot of progress in one week, picnicking in a playful way with other kids, and reducing the amount of formula she drank, since it had become her nutritional safety blanket in a way and was so filling, at least this is how it was explained to me. I don't meant to butt in and don't know exactly what Kanyon's history is with food, but just thought I would reach out, just in case. If Markus' approach sounds like something you might want to know more about, I can put you in touch with the little girl's mom, who can tell you much better than I can what Markus did. Wishing you tons of luck and sending up prayers for your wonderful, positive, strong family!
Jenny in Seattle
www.thecrunchyandthesmooth.com
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