Wednesday, December 2, 2009

What's going through my mind

Here I am at 36 1/2 weeks. Belly is for sure lower. I think it got tired and just decided to drop! :) As you can see, the face swelling is setting in. I hate that, but oh well, that was what we wanted, right?!

We are scheduled to have a baby in LESS THAN A WEEK!!! So, Lord Willing, this time next week I'll be in the hospital holding our new baby. It goes without saying that this pregnancy and hopefully the birth have been and will be a totally different experience from my first pregnancy. I have so many things running through my mind as we get closer and closer to the birth. This could get long, so feel free to skip it. Here is a little peek into my racing mind:

  • I can't remember what it feels like to NOT be feeling a baby kicking and moving around in my belly. I think I'll miss it.

  • I don't even like thinking about the C-section. I'm scared to death. It seems silly, even to me considering what I went through when the twins were born. That was nothing short of terrifying and horrible physically and emotionally, but it was one of those times where the craziness of it all makes you push through it. This (hopefully) will be boring and that means I'll have lots of time to think about what they are about to do/doing. Scary. Kinda ready for that part to be over.

  • I still don't feel miserable and I'm sleeping pretty good (other than the million potty breaks)

  • My crocs have saved my life. Kory bought them for me when I was carrying the twins. My back had started hurting and since I was teaching and on my feet all day, he thought they would feel good. Didn't get to wear them long. This time I wish I would've thought about them sooner. They would've been really helpful while we were in Dallas in the hospital. Our house almost all hard floors, so I wear them in the house and they have SAVED my back.

  • I don't know what I'll do if this baby cries. Kanyon NEVER cried. yikes.

  • I feel like a first time mom in LOTS of ways. I feel like I've never done this before because of how different things were with Kanyon.

  • I love bassinets and can't wait for our baby to be sleeping in one.

  • I am exciting about having something to swaddle!

  • I'm not expecting this transition to be too rough for Kanyon. I'm thinking his cluelessness will work in our favor and he'll just bee bop along.

  • What if I'm wrong??!!

  • I have conflicting emotions about taking the baby before I go into labor. On the one hand, 38 weeks is a DREAM!!! AWESOME!! On the other hand, there is something in me that wants to carry it like 42 just to make sure its ready. My delivery with Kanyon puts me at high risk for rupture, so I have no choice but to take it at 38 weeks but its just kinda a funny feeling.

  • I moved all of Kanyon's stuff to his new room (he will keep sleeping in the nursery until all our company is gone since his room is also our guest room.) It was kinda sad, but I didn't have much time to think. Since I've waited so long, I just have to get it done!

  • I still feel like its a boy. So much that when I think about it being a girl, I feel like I'm pretending.

  • I only imagine a dark headed baby. I was the same way with the twins, but you'd think I would at least acknowledge the fact that It COULD be blond since Kanyon is, but for some reason, I still picture a dark headed baby.

  • A blond girl would be the surprise of the century!!

  • I could care less what color hair it is or if its a boy or girl...just gimme a big ol' screamin' baby!

  • I am disappointed about one aspect of the delivery. I just realized that I won't get to see every one's reaction when its born and they find out what it is. I'm guessing Kory will walk out and tell them...I'll be on the table. I'm contemplating making everyone wait so I can see the reaction. That is half the fun....letting everyone else find out too! I don't want to miss it!

  • How long will it take us to name him if its a boy?

  • How is it that so many part of your body are affected with pregnancy. Like what do leg cramps have to do with having a baby. Or freckles on my tummy. Or loosing my brain. I don't get it.

  • I realized the other day that I will be feeding SOMEONE at least every 2 hours. If not every hour. Kanyon eats every 2 hours for 30 min. when he's awake. A nursing new born eats....well a lot, so chances are at any given time in the day I'll be feeding a child.

  • How will I not lift Kanyon for 6 weeks.

  • Boy or girl, the baby will be named after someone on my side of the family.

  • Most people think its a girl.

  • When I bring the bouncy seat down from the attic, I'm curious to see what klp does. Will he be so happy or will he be "sooooooo over it"??

  • Do I even need to say that I hope this baby is a good eater.

  • Why am I blogging when I have so much to do?

  • I am washing some of klp's newborn clothes and his preemie clothes are in the same box. They are ALL tiny.

  • I bought some newborn Pampers swaddlers to have ready. I forgot how good they smell. And sheesh, those things are tiny too!

  • All of Kanyon's clothes have stains from his medicine he was on when he came home.

  • Will this baby end up with Kanyon's laid back personality?? Kanyon is SOOOO good at entertaining himself and playing and going with the flow. I have come to really depend and appreciate that AND be really spoiled by it. I'm really hoping this one will be the same way.

  • I'm starting to get really excited about the relationship Kanyon and baby will have with each other. Siblings are about the best thing in the world and that has been one of the things that has been so painful about losing Jayde. Kanyon lost his twin sister. The one that was supposed to be with him all the time. Not that this baby will replace that, but I'm excited for Kanyon to finally get to experience life outside the womb with a sibling.

  • Will they ever sleep at the same time?

  • I'm determined to not focus on sleep. I think that is when it stressed/stresses me out. If I don't dwell on it and count hours I'm getting or not getting, I don't seem to be as bothered by it. But when I think about it, its worse. I've been tired before, it will be OK.

  • Remind me I said that in about 2-3 weeks.

  • What will Santa bring baby?

  • I think having a difficult experience, loosing a newborn, or having a sick one gives you a little different perspective from that point on. Not that all people aren't thankful for their healthy pregnancies and newborns, but I think those of us who have experienced the worst have a certain emotion of thankfulness that could only come from knowing the alternatives to a healthy one. With that being said, we are so very thankful to have reached the "full term" mark this week. While prematurity is no longer a worry for us, we know too well that a lot of things can still happen. Not that we have a lack of trust in GOD or don't believe that he is totally capable of blessing us with a healthy baby, but we know a lot can happen and we will pray and continue to pray for a perfectly healthy baby. I don't think any of us ever STOP praying for our children to be healthy.

  • On that note, its easy to think "Surely things will go good for us, look at what we've been through. We've already paid our dues. We HAVE to have it easy this time." That kinda makes sense, but we know that life doesn't always work out that way. I don't want to sound negative, but these are just reality thoughts.

  • We are FULLY looking forward to the joy of a healthy delivery and a healthy baby and we are thankful for all the prayers that our friends and family have offered up for us to get us this far and know that they will continue to pray for us as we count down the days!

  • I'll probably get wheeled out in a wheelchair to leave the hospital, huh? Never did that last time.

  • I'll be in a different hospital, so it really will be TOTALLY different. I'm kinda sad because I would probably know all the nurses if we were at Good Shepherd again. Oh well. I'll meet new nurses.

  • Am I gonna get ridiculously engorged again? I really really really really really really really really hope not.

  • I just realized today that I have no sort of baby book. Wonder if I need one? Never did get klp and jsp's done. That was on my list of things to do before this baby was born. Never did.
  • Even though this baby won't have preemie lungs or an immature immune system I think I'll still be paranoid of germs. Seriously, me the person who for the last 2 years has had to watche every single surface and be aware of every germ and not take my baby out for 2 winters, is having a baby in DECEMBER!!!!!! So, I'll probably be nervous about snotty noses and germs because even healthy newborns don't need to get sick!

  • I can't wait to feel what it feels like to hear my baby cry when its born and immediately hold it!!!

I could go on and on. I've done this post throughout the day as I thought of things. I'd better post it and end it or I'll just keep thinking of things.


Angela Medrano said...

Jaymie, I am so thrilled for your family that the great day is so near. I'm thinking dark-headed girl :) Just know that I think of you all often and I'm sending all of my thoughts and prayers out to you for the best, happiest birth experience ever and a much deserved happily ever after.

Rebekah said...

How did you just type all that? Even throughout the day... I am very impressed. You do such a great job of sharing - it helps us better "understand" what you're going through. (Like we can ever REALLY understand?!?!!) Anyway, I guess I'm just trying to say that I'm glad to know that you're not naming her (or him) after me. :/ It's probably better that I didn't get let down on Tuesday. :)
Also, you know you have a MILLION people that want to help in any way they/we can. Please let us know if there is ANYTHING we can do! (And tell us when you get tired of spaghetti and want Pizza King! We'll be there!)
The end. Phew...long comment!

kt said...

I love you Jayme. I love reading every word of everything you have written. I feel in my heart that God will take care of you and the baby and when the baby gets here, you will find peace and comfort with the new addition to your family. Kanyon will just love the baby..he'll hear the squeaks and cries of the newborn and wonder what in the world is in HIS house.
Don't hold back on us on the sex of the baby...have Kory video the responses of your friends, for Pete's sakes..will that be the new baby's name if it is a boy..Pete? Just joking... I'm just giving you my random thoughts.
Can't wait to see you on Tues! Well, actually hope to see you at church on Sun first. Karen T.

Sydni said...

I am so happy to have that picture in my head of you full-term prego! I read every word and appreciate your thoughts.

We're about to burst from anticipation and excitement!

Kyla said...

Oh Jaymie, thank you so much for that! I have been thinking about you soooo much and would love nothing more than to sit and talk to you about 'all things baby' in person! This was second best, just to hear your thoughts. One specific prayer that I'm going to pray for you is that this baby of yours just goes to town with the eating thing and nurses like a pro! :) I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I love this post. I am so happy to read all of your thoughts. You are the I am dying to know if this is a girl or a boy...and I could not be more excited for you. Seriously. I already love this little baby (who is a girl, by the way). Kasey

linda ford said...

We are so excited for you and can't wait until next week when the baby will be here. We are praying for you and know all is going to be great!!

Much love,

Anonymous said...

Good luck Jamison! We will be thinking of you and can't wait to find out if its a boy or girl!!

Scott, Abby & Jude Banks

sharon said...

i loved this! i'm with kyla...hearing all of this in person would have been a dream come true for me, but this was great. i am so very excited to see pictures next week of that sweet baby and your new little family. you look adorable, of course. love you!

Pam said...

So exciting and what a beautiful time of the year to have a baby! Can't wait to find out boy or girl and hear the name! My oldest was born on December 9, on a Wednesday...this is going to be one special baby! Along with Kanyon too! Thanks for sharing, I loved it. Pam

tleaf10 said...

Hey Jaymie, I have been thinking a LOT about you, just like everybody else ... I'm so happy that the baby will be here so soon. I think it will be a boy but I guess I'm in the minority on that :) I have had the feelings about being "due" a healthy baby with Melissa after Janey ... but even with Brecken's health problems, she is a blessing and even more of a lesson not to take your little ones for granted. I am praying for your healthy delivery and that you can get some peace about it. I bet Kanyon will thrive with a baby around. Love ya,
-Terri Lee

Chelsa said...

i can relate to pretty mch all of these!!

lucky you- i still have 10 1/2 weeks left

Molly Woodall said...

Jayme, the way I see it, you just gave us a list of specifics that we need to pray for. I love that you voice your concerns instead of keeping them bottled up inside.
So...I will specifically pray for you and your sweet family!

Jodi said...

Holy crap, I am SO STINKIN' EXCITED about this little squirt!!! (I think girl, too, for some reason. I love how you said that feels pretend to you.... funny.)

I'm gonna have to call you so we can chat. Just have to hear your voice and tell you "in person" how thrilled I am that we are actually in DECEMBER and that baby is still cookin'!!!

Have to tell ya.... you have a gift in being able to feel your feelings, understand them, and express them. Really, it is a gift of yours. And I am thankful you share them with "us"... such an encouragement to me!


Brooks Family said...

so happy for your family..i know whatever the outcome of that glorious, kory, and kanyon will get to meet a new member of the Phillips Phamily and that is so exciting! can't wait to hear what it is....i think boy too!

erin f. said...

I love every word you wrote. So much that I am supposed to be doing a million things but when I saw that you updated your blog I stopped and read it all!

This is very exciting - I've never realized how you're first experience with the twins was so far from what it will be with this one at the hosipital...I am praying for a "boring" delivery, a healthy baby (girl or boy!) and an easy transition into your new life with the baby, it's going to be great!

Hollee said...

I've been thinking and praying you for a lot this week. I'm SO glad it is December and you are still pregnant. Enjoy your time!

I can't believe you didn't get wheeled out. I was SO worried about how I would handle being wheeled out w/o a baby in tow. Since I planned to stay an extra night in the NICU room...they MADE me be wheeled to the other side of the hospital. Enjoy all these types of little things!

Kelli said...

Hey girl,

Thank you for sharing all of this, I really enjoyed this post! It has been amazing to me to see God work in you, Kory, and Kanyon over the last couple of years. I am so very excited for y'all to welcome another precious baby into the world and into your family. It is amazing how much there is to know and learn with each new pregnancy and each new baby. Your ministry/journey as parents has brought so much glory to God, and I am excited to see how the Lord will continue to use your family as you go into this new chapter of life. I will be praying for a healthy baby, a wonderful birth, and an easy transition. Love you!

Kate said...

You are such a cute pregnant girl! I love your big low belly, and I loved reading all your thoughts on this new baby. I've been thinking about you and will be praying for little Phillips' arrival. Can't wait to see pictures and learn if it is a he or she! Love you!

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annalee said...

i can't even say how much i love you sharing these thoughts. so much to remember about these exact days. he or she will be here before you know it:)

Becca said...

This was a FUN read! Thank you! I look forward to hearing the good news next week!

On a side note, I bet you'll be picking up Kanyon WELL before 6 weeks. I know 6 weeks is what the docs say but speaking from personal experience (I have a 6 mo old and a just turned 2 yr old), I was carefully picking up my oldest within a week of my c-section and without thinking about it thereafter. You just do it. Now don't tell my doc or yours I said that! Ha! p.s. I go to church with the Littons and found your blog through Kelly.

Kacy said...

Sending lots of love and prayers to you from Arizona!!! Can't wait to read all about baby's arrival!

Kacy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Marianne said...

Praying. That's it. Love you and can't wait to hear all about our new cousin.

Kelly Litton said...

I am so excited for you! We will be praying for a safe and "uneventful" delivery. You will be a all of it! You are already one of the most amazing mommies I have ever met. This new little person is going to be so blessed to be in your family.

Kristie Lee said...

Jaymie, just wanted to let you know that I will be thinking and praying for you tomorrow! I know this baby will be healthy and look forward to you having an AWESOME experience with this birth! Don't worry, you'll do fine!!! CAN NOT wait to find out what this baby is! I've been driving your Mom nuts about the fact that you don't know!! I couldn't do that in a million years! I am a humongous planner!!!! Love you bunches and can't wait for the growth of your family tomorrow!
Kristie and Kimberlynn Lee
BTW - I think Kanyon will be just fine with this new baby!!! Just watch the licking! :D

High Heels and Huntin' Boots said...

Wow...we've been thinking about you a lot lately! We will send up a special prayer for you tomorrow. I loved reading your list. Thanks for being so honest and so real with us...Love y'all!

Anonymous said...

Dear Jamie,
I just read your post ... it touched me so. I'm so excited for you and Cory and Kanyon. He's going to be a great big brother, and yall have already become really great parents. All four of you are in our prayers...especially you and the newbie! Love you all, Vicky Pruitt

pruittsplace said...

hey K & J, and lil' k...
a house in west texas circled up this morning and prayed for you 4. we are so excited, hopeful, and joyful. our prayer for you is thanksgiving to God, protection from God, God's comfort for yall, overwhelming joy for you guys, adjustment for the routine for you guys, kanyon's joy for you guys, and God's continued journey of healing down the road you've traveled.
we pray for lots of ooohhh's and ahhh's, tears and laughter.
The Comforter will be there, and He will bring you guys joy.
R & C, and a, l, & c

pruittsplace said...

hey K & J, and lil' k...
a house in west texas circled up this morning and prayed for you 4. we are so excited, hopeful, and joyful. our prayer for you is thanksgiving to God, protection from God, God's comfort for yall, overwhelming joy for you guys, adjustment for the routine for you guys, kanyon's joy for you guys, and God's continued journey of healing down the road you've traveled.
we pray for lots of ooohhh's and ahhh's, tears and laughter.
The Comforter will be there, and He will bring you guys joy.
R & C, and a, l, & c

TexasNeals said...

hey guys, just wanted you to know that we are praying for you this morning. i have butterflies in my stomach and watery eyes. so very excited for this precious baby!!!! i can't wait to see this precious "little" one and you holding him/her!!!!!!!!!!
love you! :)

Lemonade Lady said...

Jaymie, you are so wise! You will love reading this post when life settles about 20 years! (Just Kidding!) Your mom and I marveled that after our second baby, we lost our brains. Did we ever find them? Maybe not, but we found incredible love in our children. Savor, enjoy, and know that you are prepared by Abba Father to be all you need to be for this season of your life. You are awesome and I love you so much! Can't wait to hug on Quinn. He's beautiful!

Yamin said...

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