Friday, September 4, 2009

Nervous

I am a big ball of nerves right now. I feel like I have a lot to worry about. Like the fact that I'm 24 weeks and 4 days pregnant and last time I was pregnant I only had 4 days left at this point. I REALLY want more than 4 days. I feel good and everything still looks good. We will have another ultrasound/cervical measurement/DON'T TELL ME WHAT IT IS OR SAY HE OR SHE!! so that will be nice. It is weird because I know what this baby looks like. When I get my weekly emails that describe what the baby looks like, I REALLY know. I know what its fingers look like and its feet, its clear skin, and still closed eye lids. I am hoping to not see this baby until its fingers are chubby, it has booty cheeks (preemies don't get those...they're fat and they don't have any of that), its skin is soft and complete, and it can open its eyes and say HI to me! Well, it doesn't have to say hi, but I need it to at least be able to scream at me. We continue to be thankful for each day and look forward to making it one more day, one more week, one more month.....until December.

On a lighter note, I have to take my glucose test next week too. YIKES! I am dreading drinking that nasty stuff. Never did it last time. It was in my fridge waiting for my next appointment. In that case, I look forward to taking my glucose test!

THEN I HAVE THIS KID KANYON. We leave for "Feeding Camp" Monday the 14th. Things are different the second time around and I for sure feel different. Last time I was desperate and at the pits of panic and frustration with his feeding. I was borderline....no, scratch that...I had LOST my mind and just wanted HELP and I didn't care that that meant moving into a hospital for 9 weeks, leaving my husband, shoving a tube down my sons nose and throat. I just wanted help!!! And help came and we were so thankful. This time I'm not quite as desperate so I am dreading it more (see....ball of nerves). Kanyon is more mobile, active, etc. and in all honesty, i don't know how I'm going to let him scoot all over the place and on the floor of a hospital (even though its a fun/kid/rehab/not your normal hospital kind of place). I hope he sleeps. And don't even get me started on how I hope he EATS. They want to try to work him off the bottle but I'm just hoping the intense eating doesn't make him quit taking his bottle, because that would mean an NG tube and I CAN'T IMAGINE keeping one of those in him at this point. I just don't know how its going to work this time around and I'm......well.....nervous. I really do feel like he's going to do good eating. He has done well at home and I would be really surprised if he got down there and shut down. I know that is a possibility because its so intense that sometimes they just shut down, but I really think he can do it. I'm mostly worried about him getting enough fluids too. I hesitate to be optimistic about how he'll do because I don't want to be disappointed. Not to mention I will leave my house and not see it for probably 6 weeks and I'm not looking forward to being away from my home or my husband for that long (he can come on the weekends, but STILL). And Oh yeah, I'll be 26 weeks pregnant. The most crucial weeks of my pregnancy. I won't be enjoying the sights and sounds of the big city, I'll be trying to lay low and take it easy. I"m looking forward to meeting the Dr. I will see while I'm there. He's not right at Baylor, I'll have to drive a few miles up to Medical City (nervous) but I think it will be OK. I"ve heard great things about him. He's a high risk specialist so I think we'll get along. So...those are a few. But don't think that's all.

I'm also nervous about HALLOWEEN!!! I will either still be there or just be getting home. What will Kanyon be???? How will I have time to put it together?????!!!! I DO NOT want to spend Halloween in that place. My man has places to go! I mean, I kinda feel like I have a lot to live up to:

Our favorite Fighter

And Michael Phelps

Maybe this year he should be something lame that way I don't always think I have to think of something good. Yeah, maybe that will work.
Well, there you have a few strands of my nerves. Hopefully I can get my computer cleaned up soon and update. I have some good videos and fun pictures. I'd better go, its time for an hour with the eye patch/right arm tied up. Don't tell Kanyon, he'll run from me. Poor guy.


20 comments:

Sydni said...

I read every word of that and know I'd be/think/feel exactly the same as you (but MUCH WORSE of course because you're just awesome).

We all pray for you and the baby and for Kanyon multiple times each day and as I've said before, surely God would grant SAYLER'S prayers...

You DO have a lot to live up to when it comes to amazing Halloween costumes!... Good thing we've done lame from the very beginning. For once lame pays off! Yesssss!

sharon said...

i am queen of nervousness, so i cannot even imagine what you are feeling these days. i will continue to pray that baby stays put and that kanyon gets some kind of camper award for how well he eats at feeding camp! love you!

Kendra said...

Aw - I had no idea you guys were heading back for "round #2" in Dallas! I'll have to tell Sara - maybe she and I can come check in on you guys. Know that you are covered in prayer - for you, little one inside, for Kanyon, for your marriage - may you experience the peace of God like you never have as He leads! Can't wait to see who little one is in DECEMBER, and looking forward to great reports from feeding camp, and of course, a great Halloween costume (whatever it may be!).

Shanna said...

I can't imagine how nervous you must be... I am a worrier about everything, but we are praying for you and Kory and Kanyon and the new little one!!!

Hicks Family said...

You will be in my prayers while you go through these next few weeks. You are strong and you will be fine and Kanyon will do great!

Natalie said...

You're right...there is a lot on your plate, both now and in the coming weeks. I'm so thankful that the God who has sustained you so far will continue to do so AND EVEN MORE. You guys are so precious, and we will lift you up even more this week!

The McCarter Family said...

I know you must be so nervous about everything that is going on in your life right now, but remember that God is in control and he will fight these battles for you! It's hard to let the worry go and let that happen! I am praying for a healthy eater, a healthy full term baby, and for mommy's peace of mind! I've got a kitty cat and sheep costume if you want to borrow! HAHAHA!

erin f. said...

This baby isn't going anywhere - you are going to get to drink the gross juice and experience that third trimester and everything is going to work out so good. I hope that Kanyon does good and I will be praying for that situation. You are one of the strongest people I know...I have been thinking about you a lot these past few days and my admiration for your strength is off the charts! love you.

tleaf10 said...

I think about you all the time ... am nervous for you - maybe that can make you less nervous, you know, spread the nervousness around so you don't have to feel all of it? Just a thought :)

Olson Family said...

Our family is praying for your family:) You are doing so many wonderful things for Kanyon without even thinking twice....such a good mom and many jewels will be on your crown in heaven!!

Specks said...

You are hilarious~ I am praying, praying, praying for you, baby, and Kanyon as you head to feeding camp...praying for tons of victories in the maddening world of feeding :).

TexasNeals said...

hey. i hate that i didnt' get to visit w/ you this morning. i hate that you're so nervous....and that you have so much to be nervous about. i just want you to know that i'll be praying for you.....
oh, and about the halloween thing, no pressure. he could wear a paper sack and be so stinkin cute! :)

annalee said...

so much to think about and pray for! i love you and the mom you are.

Anonymous said...

Oh man, I am thinking about you all the time. And I cant wait for you to get here. Im praying for you... And for sweet baby ____ ...and for Kan man. I feel like it has been FOREVER since I have seen you. -KLW

Hilary said...

Praying for your family!!! :)

Hollie Reese said...

Good luck. We live just a few minutes from Medical City. PLEASE call me if you need to come over and take a break!!!!

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine being where you are...that's a lot! And certainly enough to make one worry themselves silly.

But one thing that God has been working on me with is entrusting my longings to Him. I TRUST God--as long as I can "watch", but to entrust means I have to give it to God and walk away. That's tough stuff, and I don't even deal with all you have to deal with.

I'm sure you've already entrusted Him with a million things, but sometimes it's important to remind ourselves to do it.

You have lots of people praying for you and Kanyon and this sweet baby coming. Keep pressing on.

kt said...

Always remember that God will continue to take care of you. If you're here in Longview or away at food camp, God is there and he will remain by your side. Here is my favorite quote again. "Fear thou not, for I am with thee. Be not dismayed; for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee." Isaiah 41:10

Kate said...

I am praying for Kanyon to do amazingly well at feeding camp and for it to be a relief and encouragement to you, and that sweet mystery baby stays really cozy and you have a peaceful third trimester. I can't blame you at all for feeling nervous, but so many people are holding up all of you in prayer!

Rand and Maggie said...

We love you so much and are praying for you, the baby, Kanyon and Kory, of course -- holding down the fort in Longview! You will be missed! Please keep posting. You are so great at keeping us informed. Love you so much!